Planning - Pride and Fear

What do you do when on one hand, making a decision is a great feeling, but on the other being the realization of the potential consequences of what you are saying?

Let me put perspective on this....making a decision to attempt a river that is very seldom run by experienced kayakers might make sense if you are, if fact experienced with a “caique”.  
  

“.. almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”  -- Steve Jobs

I seldom take days to make a decision, and can't say that I also haven't been swayed by impulse.  Both of these came into play on the day I purchased a kayak.  There aren't many if any kayak specific shops in the Utah area, not to say there isn't a few good places to choose a boat, but being on a learners budget in kayak shopping really doesn't open the door to many options.

About the third store I visited that day I could feel the panic creeping in....I didn't have 800 bucks today - would I ever?  I was also pretty certain that fitting gear into some of these would limit every aspect of the coming decisions to make.  Also, shopping with your girlfriend who you only recently explained your newest plans to can add layers of unforeseen stress to a situation.

I was in the store I a shop at frequently a place I am comfortable in....I still visit the place regularly today.  If I couldn't do it here, maybe it wouldn't happen.  Perhaps buying a boat on almost impulse wouldn't prove itself that year, or maybe that's the strange feeling of motivation you get before making a purchase of a couple hundred dollars?

There is was, standing end to end and away from the other craft I had carefully inspected, green in color with almost a grin or a smirk somehow.   Within minutes I have perused it's depths and chambers marking requirements mentally off my hastily prepared list.  This seemed to be 'it', I was moving forward and soon I would be a proud new boat owner.